But I was too tired and I was stuck.
My milk had just kicked in, I felt achy and feverish, I was so exhausted and emotional and I couldn’t work out how to put together the electronic breast pump or the hand pump.
I was panicking and I was in pain.
My breasts felt like they were going to combust and to my horror/relief/pride, Rocco stepped up to the plate, and whilst tears were pouring down my face, he quickly figured out how to build both pumps and even attached them to me before I knew it. Then he actually helped me pump my breast milk whilst he reassured me it was working, with his running commentary on my incredibly efficient let down of breastmilk into a bottle in each of my hands. My little hero.
The instant relief…then I opened my eyes to see Tom taking this photo of me.
Tom and I have a great relationship and a healthy one, one where we make each other laugh, even if it means we have to laugh at ourselves. And whilst I wanted to strangle him for taking this photo I realised it wasn’t to mock me, but more to help me see the funny side of things when I was feeling fragile. He knows what moments are the right ones to make me laugh with him. And it worked, even though I was laughing and crying at the same time.
I am standing in my dressing gown, wet hair, and my breasts are as big as my head. Hurting so much, whilst I am sweating like a pig and my 6 year old is fascinated by the science/construction experiment of my breasts.
Yup, killing this whole beautiful, “you got this Mamma” thing.
Being honest, being open, being transparent is important to me. And in all honesty, I don’t have the space in my brain for anything but that. I want to be real, as I know for me, when I see other women’s openness, how raw they are and their authenticity, it makes me feel normal, it makes me feel safe and it gives me the strength to take a moment to have a good healthy laugh and rebuild my own inner strength.
So through reading my Sugar Hit, I hope that whatever challenge or crap moment or day that you are experiencing, this photo helps make you laugh, makes you feel normal and gives you the inner strength to know that you too “have got this”.